Daily celebrations

I almost forgot my wedding anniversary. In fact, had it not been for the anniversary card my grandmother sent to me over the weekend, I may have totally forgotten. I was so close to forgetting my anniversary that as I read the happy anniversary card from grandma I simultaneously racked my brain to figure out what anniversary she was talking about and wondered why dad hadn’t told me grandma has Alzheimer’s and is randomly sending out happy anniversary cards to people.

It’s not that I don’t love my husband and it’s not that I’m bad with dates. Quite the contrary, really; I absolutely adore my husband and I have a Rain Man quality about me when it comes to remembering dates. I still remember the birthday of my best friend in the fourth grade (August 6th), the day I saw Con Air with the boy I thought I loved but never told (June 11th), and the day I had my appendix removed 18 years ago (March 9th). I just didn’t even realize it was March, never mind mid-March, and the kids keep me so busy.

Time is a complete blur. It honestly feels like Grace should only be a week old. We threw out all of Gavin’s old bottle nipples last night and I was practically in tears and just amazed that it has almost been two years since Gavin even needed a bottle nipple. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I see the 20 year old college junior getting ready for a summer working at Cedar Point Amusement Park. That was TEN YEARS AGO! An entire decade has passed and so much has happened and changed yet I have stayed so much the same. Also, my mind is so totally and completely consumed with all things Gavinator and Goose related that there really isn’t room for much of anything else. That sounds really horrible, doesn’t it? As if I’m one of those women who become so wrapped up in their children that they put their marriage on the backburner only to wake up one morning to find the kids off at college and their husband off with the secretary. The kids will go off to college one day but the rest of that scenario will never happen for two reasons:

1. Lloyd will never work in the kind of place where he has a secretary

2. I absolutely adore my husband

My mind may be completely consumed with my children but that is mainly because they are two years of age and younger and this is the time when I should be wrapped up in my children. It is not a reflection of how I feel about my husband but rather how I feel about parenting during these critical early years. That’s not to say that somehow parenting will become less important as our children age and Lloyd and I have an understanding that while parenting will always be a priority for both of us (not just because of necessity but because we enjoy parenting), it will not always be all consuming like it is now with a high needs toddler and an infant. We’re not going out for our anniversary because Grace still needs to nurse all evening and night and is at the height of separation anxiety and because no one in their right mind would want to keep up with the Gavinator for even just a few short hours.

We have to be creative to come up with ways to keep our marriage fresh while balancing two young children during not only the tender years of their lives, but also the tender years of our marriage. We’ve been parents for almost as long as we have been married but I honestly think that is an advantage. Sure, we didn’t get to have years and years together to live it up as a young married couple but we also didn’t have years and years together to get too comfortable. Besides, love is love and when you find that one, it works. Even in the face of countless poopy diapers, endless night-long nursing sessions, empty bank accounts, and more shrieking than any one human should ever have to endure, our love has stayed as strong as it was when we first met.

I often feel that people are waiting for us to fail since this is the second marriage for both of us. I was married for less than a year the first time and Lloyd was married for less than two. I think, and perhaps it is all in my head, that people look at us and wonder what we could possibly know about love. Two people who were divorced in two years or less who then meet and are married in less than a year and parents in a little more than a year. Certainly not conventional but then, who wants to be conventional? I just want to be in love with and wife wife to a wonderful husband and a mother to two fabulous kids who just so happen to poop an excessive amount. I remember when Lloyd and I began our whirlwind romance I had to fight the urge to defend our relationship because I knew the best defense would not be with words but with anniversaries. I may not always remember them but it doesn’t mean I don’t spend the days, weeks, and months leading up to them celebrating. Three down, many more to go. Take that