Grrrlzz Rule!

I try to stay hip to what all the kids are into these days. I work with children, I live in a neighborhood with a ton 'o children (and rednecks... lets not forget the rednecks), and, well, I have two children of my own so I think it is important for me to keep my fingers on the pulse of all things young. I could blame myspace on the desire to be in touch with my inner child but in reality, I am really just that cheesy and I lurve myspace (word). Also, I don't know about you all, but my own childhood does not seem like that long ago. I keep waiting for the day when I feel like an adult and it hasn't happened yet. Of course, maybe this is how being adult feels- like a child who gets shocked everytime s/he looks in the mirror.

Perhaps it is because I am immature in touch with my inner child that I'm always trying to hang out with all the kids in the neighborhood all the kids in the neighborhood are always trying to hang out with me. I take the kids out to play in the cul-de-sac every evening and there are usually the same six kids out there- 4 girls and 2 boys. While the boys are into cars, trucks, scooters, bikes and doing their best attempts to wind up with traumatic brain injuries before the sixth grade; the girls are into bitching, name calling, fighting, nagging, screaming, back-stabbing, and doing their best attempts to wind up on Jerry Springer before the sixth grade.

Girls are vicious. They will play with one girl all day just to get into her pool but once the cool girls comes home they will drop the pool girl like a bad habit and call her names like "fat" and "ugly" to get the girl whose pool they used ALL day to go home. I watched this exact same thing go down yesterday and the punchline came when the cool girl- who all the girls are always trying to hang with (myself included)- dissed them all and didn't answer her door (word) so they all had to go back to the "fat" and "ugly" girl's house and attempt to get back on her good side. Seeing as how she is fat and ugly it was an easy task. Later the cool girl came out and joined in the fun of trying to run off pool girl. They were all yelling names at each other while walking in circles around the cul-de-sac. I have honestly never seen anything like this (with the exception of a few mating rituals on Animal Planet).

In my day, the girls fought on occasion but not like this. This is an every day thing. My friends and I were more concerned about being a united front against the boys and doing things like making sure we all had our fingers crossed in order to keep the cooties at bay when the boys touched us.

When the name calling and circle walking made its way into my driveway, I figured I could try and be the voice of reason. Afterall, I am the cool, hip, with-it adult. You know, the one with the myspace page. That's me. Booyah.

I tried three different approaches to try to appeal to the girls' sensibilities.

First up was the "united front" approach:

"Come on girls, stick together! It's you all against the boys! Not against each other. Say it with me now- girls rule, boys drool. Girls rule, boys drool. Girls rule, boys drool."

When that didn't work, I tried the "wise elder" approach:

"Let me tell you girls about a little thing called karma. That's right. K.A.R.M.A. Karma. Every mean thing you do now as a kid will come back and bite you in the butt a million times over when you're an adult. Trust me".

Crickets.

So finally, I tried to appeal to their down-home, southern upbringing by going with the "spiritual" approach:

"I tell you what, if you girls don't stop being so mean, you AND all your little Bratz dolls are gonna burn in hell one day."

I'm not one to get all fire and brimstone up on people but I can say without a shadow of a doubt, if Bratz dolls don't burn in hell one day, they should.