Cooties, Cooties Everywhere

The girl-

Diagnosis- Right ear infection

Status- Runny nose, low grade fever, explosive poops. Ok, the explosive poops aren't new but they smell worse now that she is sick. By worse, I mean rather than smelling like one racoon crawled up into her colon, died, and rotted away; it now smells like two racoons crawled up there, died, and rotted away.

Treatment- Antibiotics, culturelle twice daily to hopefully prevent thrush and the smell of three racoons dead and rotting in her colon, something to dry up all the crud, frequent nose sucking, and all the loving, hugging, nursing, and cosleeping her little heart desires.

The boy-

Diagnosis- Left ear infection

Status- Runny nose, low grade fever, and 50% more evil than usual. That's well above the legal limit for evil.

Treatment- Antibiotics, culturelle twice daily, and all the goldfish crackers, juice, videos, Noggin, and loving his little heart desires.

The man-

Diagnosis- Not sure. He claims he is dying.

Status- Who knows. He won't get his butt out of bed. He did call of work this morning so it must be pretty bad.

Treatment- Cold shoulder. No fair. I want to be in bed.

The woman-

Diagnosis- Crazy and sleep deprived.

Status- Covered in snot, goldfish drool and breastmilk

Treatment- More sleep deprivation, more video playing, more goldfish fetching, more boo boo kissing, more nursing, more cosleeping, more nose wiping, more medication delivering, and more praying that I don't get sick. Here's hoping Zoloft contains anti-infective properties.