Why I should wear a muzzle

Said by me today to a coworker after he impatiently overhead paged me two times in about 5 minutes and then asked why I didn't call back immediately:

"Geez! I was pooping!! Do you mind???????"

Side note: I wasn't pooping, I was pumping but whatever. Who does that????

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Said by me today after discovering the husband had eaten the last of the cheesecake. Cheesecake I had been craving ALL day:

"You are a WHORE!!!!"

Gavin came running into the kitchen after my exclamation hollering some jibber jabber that sounded like "whore". I feel as though that was parenting at my finest. The boy should know anyone who finishes off the last of the cheesecake is, in fact, a whore.