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Putting that Backfield in Motion since 2003

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Poop Plague

Grace has had poop issues for about the past eight days… and by poop issues, I mean about two or three times a day her butt explodes and lets loose what I can only imagine is either the same toxic fluid that flows in Satan’s bloodstream or the gelatinous ooze that is found on the side of the road after a dead animal bakes in the afternoon sun for a week. Maybe two.

Seriously, people, it is F. O. U. L.

I called our pediatrician yesterday not necessarily because I thought she could do something about it (what does one prescribe for butt explosions? A cork?) but because I had vented enough to Lloyd about our daughter’s toxic hiney and felt the need to burn into someone else’s brain the sights and smells of Grace’s diapers for the past week.

The nurse called me back promptly and told me that “this” was going around and as long as Grace was eating and drinking and seemed fine that I didn’t need to worry. Not worry? Ummmm, tell that to my senses- namely sight, hearing, and taste. Yes, it is so foul you can taste it without actually tasting it. It gets inside of every fiber of my being. It haunts my dreams.

I tried to explain this to the nurse but she poo-pooed (pun intended) my concerns and told me to give it another week. I asked her if she could at least give me the number for HAZMAT but again, she dismissed me. Before we hung up, though, she gave a few dietary tips like make sure she is eating yogurt (check) and drinking plenty of fluids (check). I told the nurse that she is drinking plenty of water and still nurses A LOT during the day.

Wait for it….. Waaaaiiiiiiiittttt for it……

“Ohhhhhhhhhh, she’s still nursing?”

Then the nurse asked if I had changed anything in my diet recently that could have somehow passed to Grace via the boob juice and triggered all that is evil in the world to blow out of my child’s ass thrice daily. Yes, I gnawed on some of Satan’s bones with a side of road kill last week. Eureka! That’s it!

Argh. It really drives me crazy how little some health care professionals know about breastfeeding. I really like my pediatrician and her staff but between the doc telling me I needed to night wean Grace when she was two months- TWO MONTHS- old and now suggesting that MY diet could somehow be responsible for this evil plague that has fallen upon our house I feel like I need to offer to do an inservice on how NOT to continue the spread of breastfeeding myths.

You heard it here first. Breast milk may cause diarrhea. Hmmm, didn’t know breast milk was used in Mexican cuisine.

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12 Comments:

Blogger Pregnant In Texas said...

The EXACT same thing happen to me everywhere I went when I was breastfeeding. Doctors, Child care workers, Nurses, Old women on the street that I never met, tried to convince me that it all of my son's problems were caused by ME!

I remember just feeling crushed and wondering if maybe I was causing his gas pain and loose stools. I seriously thought for a couple of days that formula would be healthier for him.

Then I had a healthy, "WTF" moment and continued to breast feed.

Many things in my son's life will be my fault - diarrhea is not one of them!

9:50 AM  
Blogger Wendy said...

Well, you can inform your dr' staff that we are suffering from the same thing and Sam is on formula, now.

Thanks, I was eating breakfast, but after that vivid description I am unable to eat another bite. It could be that I know exactly what you are talking about, too, but I am choosing to blame you for now.:)

10:16 AM  
Blogger venessa said...

Helloooo! You're a mom. You're supposed to feel guilty for everything you do! I hope you said something snarky to that nurse, even if she is usually nice.

10:45 AM  
Anonymous Ally said...

Honestly? I think her reaction could have been worse. She could have sneered in disgust and suggested you wean immediately, much like the ENT who performed Jamie's tonsilectomy. But this is coming from the perspective of someone whose boob juice was toxic when tainted with certain foods. To my baby of course, not my toddler. Big difference.

The butt thing is going around our house too, and I'm reassured by the advice to give it another week because Jamie and (cough*yourstruly*cough) are both affected.

10:56 AM  
Anonymous Amy said...

Oh man, I know exactly how you feel with the toxicity! Sophia's got explosives down there right now, too. Ick! I mean, seriously -- ICK! That stuff STINKS, you're right! And eff them for thinking it's you. I'm still nursing, too, and I think that's the only thing that's actually helping matters. Sophia doesn't want to eat anything. All she wants to do is nurse. Thank goodness for EBF!

Hope little Grace feels better soon!

1:41 PM  
Blogger mamalife said...

Toxic substances pouring from cute little bottoms is never fun. Hope she feels better soon. Dumb. Stupid. Idiot. Nurse. Pisses me right off when I hear S*%# like this.

10:32 PM  
Blogger mcewen said...

Breastfeeding myths - the best way is to sit in a comfortable position, cradling the child's head in the crook of your arm.......
so running through the mall with baby attached, covered by scarf and carrying the toddler on the other hip doesn't count, right?
Cheers dears

6:38 PM  
Blogger Maria P. said...

I freaking love you. You crack me up all the time.

I hope all rectal activities are soon resolved and clean air restored to your dwelling.

4:00 AM  
Blogger Amanda. said...

Thanks for commenting everyone and Ally, I agree her comment could have been much, much worse.

I don't remember what I said back to her... I think I just said "no, that's not it".

HAH! I'll take full blame for her need for therapy when she is older but NOT her diarrhea!!

11:57 AM  
Blogger Birth Junkie said...

Hilarious, but sorry for the toxic situation.

1:30 AM  
Blogger GoKat said...

Hi "mom"! My friend Heather, who was reading your blog over my shoulder, says THANKYOU for brightening her day with your wonderful whit and way with words! Seriously - you should write a book! (No, I'm not joking!) Watch out Erma Bombeck!

10:08 PM  
Blogger Amanda. said...

Thanks for reading/commenting!

WOW! What a compliment Heather and gokat! Much, much appreciated :) Hmmm, I'm not so sure about the writing a book bit. Is there much of a market for nonfiction poop?

:)

9:40 AM  

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