New Years Resolutions

This mom's jeans skit from Saturday Night Live has been one of my biggest inspirations for staying in shape and staying as far away from a mom bod as humanly possibly. I refuse to look like a mom. My first Friday back at work after having Grace (we're allowed to wear jeans on Friday) someone told me I looked like a soccer mom and I nearly died. Nearly EFFIN died. My first day back to work after having Gavin I was asked out by a doctor and when I told him I was married and this was my first day back from maternity leave he told me I was quite the MILF and then we parted ways. I went from a MILF to a soccer mom in less than 2 years. How does that happen to a person? Oh, that's right. I know how. One gets pregnant three times in two years and gains and loses thirty pounds no less than twice and then breastfeeds (screw what science says, I don't lose weight while breastfeeding; I have the breastfeeding hunger) all at the expense of one's own waistline.

Don't get me wrong, the G-unit is totally worth every single imperfection in my figure but I long to be the svelte size 4-6 I was when I first met Lloyd. My weight has been all over the map since college. I was always thin and was probably a size 6-8 in highs school but then I went to college and apparently I was an overachiever because I didn't gain the freshman 15; I gained the freshman 40. I loved drinking and the only thing I loved more than drinking in college was the All-American meal at McDonald's (cheeseburger, fries, and a small drink for $1.99). My friends and I hung out at the Brass Alley Pub where they provided free wings and pitchers of beer to underage freshman and badda-boom-badda-bing: 40 pounds on the frame.

It was weird to be overweight when for so many years I was used to being thin. I had reverse anorexia. I would look in the mirror and there would be a fatty-watty-bo-batty but I saw the size 6 chic of my past. My weight yo-yo'd in college vascilating with my partying ways. I should add that despite my partying, beer-drinking, and pot smoking ways I remained quite the intellect (I graduated with a 4.0 GPA- who's your daddy, beeeeeeyachhhh!) and on nights off from the bars I stayed up late studying at the student union munching on Biggie fries, peanut M&M's, sugar laden coffee.

After college, I moved to South Carolina, joined a gym, gave up my partying ways and lost all the weight. I lost it all after having Gavin but since having Grace, and extra ten pounds has been hanging on and making me feel like such a mom. I can still squeeze into my size 6 jeans but I have a muffin top and it makes me sad. It has only been six months since she has been born but I can't keep using the "I just had a baby" excuse forever. I have an intense fear of letting myself go because I am a mom.

Truth be told, I have let myself go since becoming a mom. All my interests, all my free time, all my everything have just been let go for my kids and I'm ok with that but my waist- that's all me. I refuse to let that go. I resolve to lose the baby weight and to kick the ass of the person who called me a soccer mom. So let it be written. So let it be done.

Me in college (next to a keg and Sarah. Yep, that's about right)



Me and Lloyd before kids



Me when Gavin was 8 months old



Me now (no body shots, thank you very much)