Bad News

Well since this isn't the kind of blog where I go around talking about other people's problems (even when, by association, they become problems) I won't go into any major details but I found out some bad health-related news about my mom last night. Hell, I probably couldn't share the details if I tried because her husband is one of those low talkers and the kids started screaming back and forth at each other the second he started trying to tell me what was up. I was handling the news alright until I looked at Grace... and I mean REALLY looked at Grace. Daughter. Mother. I don't have the words to explain but I got all choked up and overcome with the realization that not only will my mommy not always be here for me, I won't always be here for Grace and suddenly I needed my mommy. But now I'm the mommy. Sigh. Gavin crawled all my lap when he saw me crying and took my face in his hands and said "oh, mommy", which only made me cry harder.

I realized last night that being 30 not only means I'm at the age where I can have a family of my own, it also means I'm at the age where it is not all that uncommon to start losing family. It would hurt regardless of whether or not I had my own kids but they weren't lying when say kids change everything. It certainly seems to be a different and deeper kind of hurt. Like losing a part of the mother in me. I know how hard it can hurt to be faced with losing your mother but I can put myself in her shoes and know how hard it must hurt to be faced with leaving your daughter.