Nursing me with her eyes

Yesterday it was so stinkin' hot that I set the kiddie pool up in the front yard because that was the only place I could find shade. Not only did it mean fun in the sun for me and Gavin to splish and splash while Grace remained cool as a cucumber on our porch, it meant sporting a bikini for all my neighbors to see. While I did recently vote to pass the homeowner's association by laws, truthfully? I'm a little foggy on the details. I'm telling you people, until there are 38 hours in the day, unless it contributes something worthwhile to keeping the kids from screaming, I'm not doing it.

I know there is something in the by laws about fences being only this tall and storage buildings being only that color but whether or not a woman who has had two kids in two years and is all flippity and floppity where things aren't supposed to be flippity floppity (Am I the only person who can nurse for almost a year and never move beyond an A cup??) is allowed to prance about in a bikini for all the neighbors to see is allowed, I can't be certain. Being the rebel that I am and the pool in the front yard was one of those things that kept the kids from screaming, I did it anyway.

Fortunately, the neighborhood was pretty dead so I didn't see any of me neighbors and they didn't have to see me. Grace, however, was captivated. She couldn't take her eyes off me. I'm not one of these earth mothers who runs around the house nekkid with a baby on my boob. I get nekkid for the shower and that's about it. (Ok, there's one other thing but this is a family blog and I would rather not discuss the hot beef injection with the whole internet. Hiding the salami is a personal thing between only me and my husband. Please respect my desire to not discuss the horizontal tango with all of you.) The only time Grace sees some skin is when she is being nursed. Especially when we used to cosleep I would just sleep topless to make her hours of torture nursing as easy as possible.

When I picked Grace up to take her outside she literally tried to latch onto my belly. I was showing skin so it must mean time to nurse, right? If I walked past her she started clapping and waving and reaching out for me like "Here comes the boobies!!!!!!" and would scream when I kept on walking. When I was in the pool with Gavin I kept imagining she was looking at me the way Sylvester looked at Tweety and imagined the yellow bird as a slow roasted chicken in a cage. I swear, she even licked her lips. It was quite uncomfortable. As a nursing mom, walking around half naked in front of a nursing baby is like dangling a piece of steak in front of a man who hasn't eaten in a month.

I feel so violated.