Day 12: What Not To ExpectPhotobucket - Video and Image Hosting

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Officially a Mom


Putting that Backfield in Motion since 2003

Thursday, July 13, 2006

A different kind of hurt

Gavin just called me (with a little help from his daddy) and told me:

"No mama work. Mama leave. Mama home."

Can't. Take. It.

Heart. Is. Breaking.

I wish he would stick to telling me he loves daddy and wants to play with daddy. That I can handle. Playing second fiddle to daddy is no big whoop and hell, Lloyd is an awesome daddy so I don't blame the kid.

But this.

This "no mama work, mama home" bit is enough to make my heart jump out of my chest and break into a million pieces as it hits the floor.

It's never been easy but it was slightly less crappy when he was unable to verbally express his feelings.

Officially a mom moment- I feel guilty for working.

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7 Comments:

Anonymous Vicki said...

Amanda,

I hear you on the mommy guilt. I have it regarding being a SAHM...

I often worry that I'm not being a good role model for my daughters because they don't see me going out in the workplace and making my own money, accomplishing things on my own, etc, etc...

From what I've read on your blog, I think you are a wonderful mom!

In the end, no matter what our situations are, we all try our best to give our kids everything, don't we?

Vicki

2:16 PM  
Blogger Ally said...

Do NOT make my cry while I am at work!

That talking, such a double-edged sword.

2:56 PM  
Blogger K said...

Ooow. That is dirty pool.

3:58 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

Vicki, SAHMs are wonderful role models!!! Thank you for the compliment and you're right. We do try to give our kids our best.

I'm sorry I made you cry, Ally. It's hard sometimes, isn't it? I've been a working mom to Gavin for almost THREE years. You would think I woud have the whole emotional aspect of it down by now, wouldn't you?

9:40 PM  
Anonymous Amy Frazier said...

Ugh!

I hear ya on the guilt thing. I work, too. And yes, it's not by choice. I need the insurance and my hubby works from home for his own business. So I need to be at work. But I miss the crap out of my daughter while I'm away. So there is major guilt there. And then I feel the major guilt when I'm at work and am so stoked to be able to have adult conversations and finish projects and wear dangly earrings (can NOT do that at home with a 10-month-old). I feel guilty then that I'm not heartbroken all the time that I'm not with her. Double-edge sword, I tell ya. We mothers are way too hard on ourselves.

I, too, hate the Stay at Home/Working Moms bickering. It's just plain dumb. We all do what we can to provide for our kids in the best possible way given our circumstances. Just know that another working mom feels your pain.

Thanks for writing. I always appreciate your thoughts. I can't even imagine how crazy it's going to get when my daughter actually starts talking and can tell me not to go to work!

1:05 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

Aww, how tough. I remember one time I went to work and Adam stayed home with a sick Zoë. I called around 3 to tell them I had gotten an emergecy call to respond to (CPS worker) and felt guilty already. The Zoë came on and said "mommy coming home soon?" and I totally lost it...I ended up doing a removal that night and didn't get home until midnight...talk about mommy guilt.

7:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very nice site! »

6:00 PM  

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