Experience preferred required

Since having children, my stance on many parenting issues has changed drastically. It makes perfect sense, right? It is so easy to say what we would do in a situation when have never experienced that situation. Especially when aforementioned situation may involve things we couldn’t possibly understand until we experience them: months of sleep deprivation, cracked nipples, third degree tears, colic, spirited/high needs behavior, post partum depression, being responsible for a teeny, tiny, helpless human being, and did I mention sleep deprivation?

There is a long distance between books on parenting and the reality of parenting. Of course, I don’t know why society makes parenting out to be the stuff Hallmark cards are made out of. My only guess is to insure the survival of the human race because let’s be honest, if we knew how horrible some parenting moments can be- especially those first days and weeks with the first baby- would we really even have the first kid?

I know people tried to warn me that new mothering was not the warm fuzzy scene you see on television and in advertisements. Bringing home an infant does not suddenly create a warm, gauzy glow in your home where you walk around in total bliss wearing a long, white, flowing gown with a teeny, peaches and cream infant who- between nursing perfectly for 15 minutes on each side every 3 hours- sleeps deeply on its back in a crib in its own room while you catnap throughout the day because not only does your home have a warm, gauzy glow, it is also self cleaning. I know I realized the mothering would be difficult. I knew that babies cried and breastfeeding could be hard and I would definitely be lacking in the sleep department but I never realized how overwhelming- physically and mentally- new motherhood could be. I had no idea that this newfound responsibility would weigh so heavily on my chest that there were moments I thought I was taking my last breath. I never knew something so wonderful could hurt so bad.

I think another mechanism for the survival of the human race is that by the time our first baby reaches toddlerhood and the Zoloft has kicked in and our nipples and hoo hahs have completely healed, we begin to forget about those traumatic first days and months. I know I did. I remember sobbing when Gavin was about 5 weeks old and when Lloyd asked me what was wrong I told him “I always wanted two children and this is so hard that I don’t think I can have anymore!!!!”. By the time Gavin was11 months old I was pregnant again and while I was shocked, I was ecstatic. Unfortunately I miscarried that baby at 12 weeks but fortunately, I got pregnant with Goosers three months later.

So how have my views changed?

Before having kids I was anti-pacifier. Ugh. I hated the way they looked and I thought they were used to plug up the kid’s piehole so the parents didn’t have to hear them or deal with them. I had no idea that kids could have such a strong need to suck and that pacifiers may be totally necessary. It only took 2 weeks for me to learn how very wrong I was and to start shoving soothie after soothie into Gavin’s mouth just so I could take a pee break without him losing his freaking mind.

I also used to give the big fat eye roll to parents who gave their kids snacks as they shopped or even worse, opened a bag of snacks before purchasing them to ward off the impending middle of the story meltdown with the salty, cheesy goodness that is the goldfish cracker. Now? I'd give my kid a line of coke to be able to buy tampons and milk without dragging their screaming, writhing bodies down the grocery store aisles for all the world to give me big, fat eyerolls for having uncontrollable children.

Cosleeping. I always thought parents who coslept were out of their minds and now that I have coslept with two children, I STILL think that parents who cosleep are out of their minds. Or at the very least enjoy insomnia and the resultng crippling dementia that comes with it. I coslept because it made night time nursing easier and both of my kids wanted to cosleep. They slept much better snuggled next to me while I wept over sore nipples and aching hips from remaining in one position all night. There were a few moments of bliss when were snuggled sweetly together in the wee hours of the morning while I smelled their sweet baby smell and just knew that somewhere out there another mom was doing this very same thing with her baby and all the world was right. Those moments were fleeting and could have very well occurred during the day after I got a full nights rest while sleeping in any position I damn well pleased.

Something I have always been passionate about is breastfeeding. Obviously nutrition is my thang- pediatric nutrition even moreso- so it makes sense that it wouldn’t take having kids for me to know that breastfeeding was where it’s at when it comes to feeding our babes. I grew up knowing that breasts were for breastfeeding (I come from a long like of A-cup women… what else could they be for?) and part of my education involved community nutrition and promoting breastfeeding via WIC.

I have only become more passionate about breastfeeding since having children but now I am more understanding of the barriers and obstacles to breastfeeding. I was unable to breastfeed Gavin for as long as I would have liked. I was never anti-formula but before having to formula feed, I never imagined that I would formula feed. I figured other people had their reasons for formula feeding; that they didn’t want to breastfeed. I never knew that women could want to breastfeed but be unable; whether because of physical or mental issues or lack of knowledge and support. I am more passionate now because I don’t want any woman to experience the heartbreak I experienced when I was unable to nourish and nurture my child the way I wanted.

Another issue I am much more passionate about since having children is circumcision. I am rabidly anti-routine infant circumcision. Obviously there are times when circumcision may be medically indicated or when a person’s faith dictates circumcision as necessary but routine infant circumcision? Never appropriate. I am generally the kind of a person who can see both sides of an issue but not on this one. I respect that every parent has the right to make their own decision regarding whether or not to circumcise their son but I can honestly say that there is no reason- other than religious or medical reasons- for circumcision that I agree with.

What’s ironic is that Gavin is circumcised… and I regret it with every cell in my body. It has been over three years and I don’t know how I will ever come to terms with the fact I subjected him to genital mutilation for absolutely NO reason. I did not do my homework before having Gavin and I thought circumcision was just routine- just a standard part of having a boy in America. I figured there must be some pros to circumcision or else they wouldn’t do it. Hell, I also figured they used adequate pain relief. I was totally and completely WRONG on two counts. Again, my passion not only stems from the fact that upon becoming educated I realized that circumcision is wrong but also because if I can help one person from putting their child through what Gavin went through and what we continue to go through then something good came out of something awful and that brings a little peace.

How have you changed?