Day 12: What Not To ExpectPhotobucket - Video and Image Hosting

When you get that notion, put your backfield in motion

Officially a Mom

Putting that Backfield in Motion since 2003

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Shape of this mother

I'm sure by now most of us have read about the new blog heard around the blogosphere: The Shape of a Mother. I believe the blog owner said she got over 2,000 hits in one day and I know links to the site have been burning up threads all over Babycenter. I even blogrolled the site and I believe that Karrie sent in pictures.

I am oddly fascinated with the site. I have had some body image issues over the course of my life. Something I have referred to as reverse anorexia. When I was skinny I thought I was fat and when I was fat, I thought I was skinny. Ok, well not exactly, but I seemed to worry about my weight the most when I had no reason to worry and I didn't have a care in the world related to the extra 40 pounds I carried in college for several years. Of course, the massive quantities of alcohol I consumed may have hindered my ability to care.

I'm at a point in my life where I am really enjoying my body (let the dirty jokes commence... I left the door open for that one, didn't I?). I wouldn't mind if I had a few inches gone from the belly region so once and for all I could say farewell to the muffin top but three pregancies and two births in two years is bound to leave a woman slightly muffin-esque. I'm ok with it. Giving birth to kids and nursing them has really given me an "I am woman, hear me roar" kind of attitude. I feel very empowered by my own body and have confidence I never thought I could have. It is a shame that I couldn't have had this confidence when I was younger- one of those "wish I knew then what I know now" moments- but better late than never. Youth really is wasted on the young.

I look at the women on The Shape of a Mother and I truly do think each and every one of them are beautiful. I don't think there is anything as beautiful as a pregnant woman's shape and any body that could grow, give, and sustain life is one to be treasured. I am in awe and I'm really not good enough of a writer to put down on cyberspace how truly awesome I think the women's stories and photos are.

As much as I hate to admit it- and why I think I am fascinated with the site- I feel bad for being so thankful that that's not me. I got away from pregnancy, childbirth and nursing pretty much unscathed. Also, I may feel "I am woman, hear me roar" and all that jive, but how would I feel if pregnancy had left my body way different from how it found it? Would I still have the confidence to share my photos and my story? Would I still feel good about myself? Would I still be at the place in my life where I am truly enjoying my body?

I don't know but I don't think so.

That makes me sad and oddly enough, I am jealous of those women because they have something I don't- and it ain't stretch marks and extra weight.

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Blogger The Shape of a Mother said...

I love your honesty - it's beautiful! Thank you for sharing this link with me.

2:26 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Thank you for posting this site! I have shared pictures of myself very, very pregnant, but I don't think I could ever post pictures of myself postpartum, even though I greatly respect and admire the other women who did.

I hope one day to again be happy with my body.

1:04 AM  
Blogger Abby said...

Hmmm, I have the stretch marks and mommy belly. Two pregnancies and being small ruined me! Not really, but I do have battle scars. I try to accept myself as I am, but it is not always easy, is it?

1:04 PM  
Blogger karrie said...

Amanda, I do not see a muffin top. I think it must be blamed on....GAUCHOS!

(beating it into the ground with a stick.)

It has been a long road accepting my whacked out stomach. I take heart in the fact that it looks better now, (scary!) and that I;m finally able to stuff it into normal jeans. I cried a lot in those early post-partum months. A lot. It was really difficult for me to look at all of the people sharing pictures of themselves holding their babies, or celebrating holidays with families. I hid behind my cute kid and only shared face shots and hoped no one would say anything cruel. I avoided social events where I would run into people who I had not seen since early in my pregnancy.

Basically it came down to feeling abd and obsessing over something I could not change without major surgery, or accepting it and moving on. I think if the Gs had left crazy marks all over your skin, you would have enetually found that place as well.

1:35 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

I definitely have battle scars- but they're mostly mental ;)

Thanks for taking the time to read the post, ZB, and I'm glad you enjoyed the site Melissa.

Karrie, you leave my ultra-cool and fabulous gauchos out of this! You're right about one thing, I guess I would have eventually found comfort- serenity- somehow. I know the website has definitely given me the opportunity to think about about my body in a different way. Even if pregnancy, childbirth, and nursing gave it to me pretty easy; I still have time to contend with.

8:54 PM  

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