Dog People

The thing I find the most funny about the dividing line between people who do have kids and people who don't, are the people who don't have kids but are dog people. I know several dog people and they aren't the same as dog owners. Dog people are parents only instead of kids, they have dogs. They are the ones who chime into parenting discussions with their dog anecdotes.... you know:

"Oh, I know what you mean about Gavin keeping you up all night. Chandler started barking at 2:00 am and didn't stop until after 5:00".

or

"I wouldn't put a gate around my Christmas tree. I'm just going to spank Sparky with a rolled up newspaper if he starts to mess with the lights or ornaments. Can't you train Gavin to stay away?"

I talked to another dog person on my walk with Gavin and Mia last night. I'm a parent and a dog owner. I am very, very far from being dog people. Even before Gavin, I was never dog people. I had enough experience with kids before Gavin to know that comparing something that eats my toenail clippings to another person's offspring is oh so very wrong. Anyhoo, this dog people noticed I was preggers again and stopped to chat with me about my growing belly. He then proceeded to tell me about how is dog had puppies a few months ago and about 8 weeks into motherhood, he could tell his dog was getting depressed with the constant nursing and nagging of the her 5 offspring. I never knew dogs got post partum depression but as a mother who got depressed with the nursing and nagging of 1 offspring, I totally felt like I could relate enough to not block out this obvious intro into a dog people/kid people anecdote.

So the story goes, one afternoon, dog people left his front door open and within a few minutes he was unable to locate the dog and three puppies. He looked and looked and finally saw his dog skipping along the road quite happily, coming back towards the house from a wooded ravine. Apparently, momma dog had had enough and took advantage of Adam's law (although I believe Adam's law requires one to drop their unwanted offspring off at a hospital not a ravine) and dropped her puppies off in the ravine and then returned home in high spirits. Dog people felt so badly for her that he got rid of the rest of the puppies and he is amazed at the improvement in his dog's demeanor and spirits.

It turns out the point of dog people's story was that if that happened to his dog, what did I think my son was going to do when we brought his new sister home. I just told him, "I don't think he is big enough to carry her off to the wooded ravine, if that's what you mean".

They're Here!!!

Living with Gavin is like living with a poltergeist. Granted, a very cute poltergeist who screams a lot but still, a poltergeist. His new habit is rearranging the furniture and I kid you not, the child is fast. Just this evening I went into a kitchen free of non-kitchen furniture to rinse off dishes only to turn around and find a chair from the family room and the mat from the foyer set up behind me. I must admit, however, he has an eye for design. It is a little creepy, though, considering I never even heard a thing!!! Shouldn't I hear my 18 month old child rearranging furniture? What is even creepier is what if he isn't a poltergeist? What if best case scenario is going to turn out to be the next Vern Yip? Or worst case scenario the next Christopher Lowell? Ayi yi yi!!

Triplets

The reason I went to Target (where I ran into Them) in the first place was to buy a pregnancy work-out video. It would appear as though I am having triplets- Grace gestating wonderfully in my belly along side a bag of skittles, and the other two babies gestating in each butt cheek. My first trimester days of no weight gain are long over and at my 22nd week appointment my doc was oh so kind to point out that I have already gained 17 pounds. "17 pounds!" I exclaimed. "Don't you want to call Guinness since I must be carrying the largest 22 week fetus/placenta combo". Alas, no call to Guinness is necessary as Grace and the placenta (isn't placenta a cool word?) do not account for the bulk of the weight gain. The twins residing in my rear do. I wonder if I should call Guinness about the twins gestating in my butt?

Them

Gavin and I were at Target on Saturday afternoon and we ran into Them. Them. The people now who are so foreign to me and see life in a way I no longer can and while I’m not envious of them per se, they do make me wistful for a simpler time. The “Them” I am speaking of are The Childless Couple. You know the ones. They look great, no bags under their eyes, have oodles of money to spend on themselves, a rockin’ nightlife, hope for a future filled with nights of hours of sleep and clean carpets, and no bruised feet (seeing as how they don’t step on 50 Little People toys a day).

They were quick to hug me and tell me how good I look… you know… considering. The considering is the still wet hair from having no time to dry it, stained clothes, and a belly that is getting so big that my place of work is going to assign a name badge specifically for it to be in compliance. The discussion turned to all the wonderful things they were doing in their D.I.N.K-y life (D.I.N.K= dual income no kid) but surprising to me, they told me about how anxious they were to start having kids. The guy wanted someone to call him da-da (I won’t tell you what thought ran through my head when he said that) and she didn’t want to hear anything bad about pregnancy, childbirth or parenting. I told her she was out of luck and she better not ask me for advice because I’m not good at lying. They laughed and then came the assumption I hear from the “Thems” all the time: parenting is easy and after all, it must be, you’re having another one.

Let me clear two things up. Parenting is lots of things but easy is not one of them. I thought their declaration of “parenting is easy” was quite funny as it coincided with Gavin chewing up a handful of goldfish crackers, leaning over the side of the cart, spitting them all out, and me getting on my hands and knees to clean it all up with wadded up tissues I keep in my purse. Hi, I’m Amanda, and I used to do keg stands at parties at WVU and now I carry wadded up Kleenexes in my purse. Parenting is wonderful, difficult, sweet, bitter, joyful, amazing, stressful, and the greatest blessing I have ever experienced BUT parenting is NOT easy.

The other point I would like to clear up is that I’m not having another child because parenting is easy so don’t point to my belly as exhibit A for why parenting is easy. I’m in the family way for several reasons- many of which were the positives I mentioned when describing parenting- but also because this is what happens when I drink too much and I fail to use contraceptives. Granted, I always wanted two children but I am not doing this because it is easy… because I’m easy, sure, but not because it is easy. Got it?

You know you're pregnant when....

.... every time you hear or read about the BTK killer, you start craving a BLT sandwich.

Mmmmmmmm...... BLT.

Introducing the Gelfling Babies

This morning two strong and healthy heartbeats were detected on ultrasound!!

Congratulations Sarah and Peanut!!  I'm so happy for you... but I think Lloyd said it best when, in response to the news of your twin pregnancy, he said "better you than me!"

Here is the first photo of Baby Gelfling A and Baby Gelfling B!