Day 12: What Not To ExpectPhotobucket - Video and Image Hosting

When you get that notion, put your backfield in motion

Officially a Mom


Putting that Backfield in Motion since 2003

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Don't turn your back for a second

Here are the monsters playing sweetly together....

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This is the result of taking your eyes off the monsters for a seond...

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No, they don't make Fiestaware. Look closely. Closer. Cloooooooser. See that chunk of sandy blond hair? That is a hunk of Grace's hair on the plate. My brand new Fiestaware color only served as a backdrop. The Gavinator ripped Goose's hair out.

Underneath this adorable exterior lies evil. Pure eeeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvviiiiiiiiilllll.

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Around the sun

I can’t believe it has been a whole year since I wrote Baby Interrupted.

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Monday, January 30, 2006

Crying it out

I never thought I would do it but I did. I'm just so freakin' tired. She only fussed/cried for 20 minutes before falling asleep but I knew she wasn't hungry, I knew she was dry, and I knew she was safe and I. Am. Just. So. Freakin'. Tired. I promise that the next time she wakes up I"ll start the No Cry Sleep Solution but heaven help me. I just couldn't do anything.

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Sunday, January 29, 2006

Poop-Off 2006

Gavin- 5
Grace- 4

It was almost a tie but Gavin came in right before the buzzer (errr, bathtime) with the tie-breaking poop. Since the husband worked all day, I refereed (errr, changed) all of them. Whew. What a day.

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Robo Mouse and Kiddie Mosh Pits

Why is it that everything we do as treats for our kids, is almost always hell for the parents? Furthermore, why do I consistently cram that hell into one weekend?

It all started on Friday when we decided to get Gavin's haircut. Sounds simple enough, right? WRONG! Getting Gavin's haircut requires me and three emplyees to hold him down and more snot and tears than cut hairs. We even go to one of those annoying kid hair salon where they play cheesy pop tunes sung by hordes of tone-deaf children and video monitors are everywhere with colorful cartoon characters in the shape of scissors (ummmm, hello?) prancing about singing of the joys of a haircut. The Gavinator was not impressed. He was screaming before his butt was even in the chair. I swear one day we are going to find out Gavin is the first human with nerve endings in his hair.

To buy back his love after the torture forced upon him, we took him to Chuck E. Cheese. Nothing says mommy and daddy love you like overpriced pizza and yet more stimulation, right? The trip to Chuck E. Cheese was also a reward for how well he has been doing in therapy for SENSORY INTEGRATION DISORDER!! Are we the biggest morons ever? Hey, you are really making progress, son, so lets drop you in the middle of what is essentially a kiddie acid trip and see how far you can backslide. Trauma builds character, right? Gavin actually did very well at the house of the mouse. There was a train there and Gavin loves trains almost as much as he loves screaming so he stood with his face pressed to the glass watching the train ever so closely only stopping with the train stopped to sign and say "more" which, if I haven't mentioned already is one of the cutest things ever! He wasn't too into the games or the food but he loved Chuck E.. When that big robotic mouse started singing and dancing, Gavin fell under his spell and just stood there rocking back and forth in time to the music with drool running out of his mouth. Everything in the world just disappeared. Time ceased to exist. There was Gavin. There was Chuck E.. It was magical. If Chuck E. had been riding a train I think Gavin's head would have exploded.

Last night I took Gavin and Grace to a birthday party at Pump It Up. I never thought it would end. It was a four year old's birthday party (grandson of a coworker) so figured we would be forced to bounce with our children in the middle of the giant rave for an hour max. Yea, right. They let us in to the inflatable party zone at 5:15 and the doors to the party room (and much needed food and drink) didn't open until a few minutes after 7:00. Gavin insisted I bounce with him in the kiddie mosh pits and I was dying. Two hours of inflatable fun? The kids were dropping like flies and by 6:30 the line to the water fountain was longer than the line to go up the massive slide. The massive slide, by the way, freakin' rocked. I highly recommend it. Gavin absolutely loved it and Grace just looked around with her eyebrows furrowed wishing that she could have a boob in her mouth but no way was I going to attempt to nurse Miss Pops-off-a-lot in the middle of this light and sound spectacular. I got the kids home by 8:30 which was an hour and a half past their bedtimes so they didn't get to sleep until after 9:00. I was hoping they would sleep in. My hopes were dashed at 5 this morning. My butt is so sore.

You know you're officially a 30 year old mom when you spend your Sunday nursing a Chuck E. Cheese/Pump it Up Party hangover.

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Friday, January 27, 2006

Someone trying to tell me something?

Wow. I was just sitting here listening to the radio and as it has done several times this week, my mind drifted off to thoughts of the baby I lost who was due last year around this time.

"She Will Be Loved" by Maroon 5 came on bringing me back to that very day when my doctor walked in and took one look at the ultrasound machine and sighed, shook his head and said, "Amanda, I'm sorry". I left the office and got in my car and "She Will Be Loved" was playing on the radio. Hearing it always takes me back to that hot July day when I sat in my car crying while it played in the background.

I just listened to song feeling sorry for myself and when it was over, "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt came on. I sing that song to my Gracie and it always makes me think of her. How something so wonderful can come out of something so tragic I will never know. If it weren't for my loss, I wouldn't have her and it is almost to much to think about.

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Senorita

I wrote a looooong post about why toddlers are the spawn of Satan sent here to end the human race but ultimately, I decided to delete it. Sure, he's evil but I shouldn't take it so personally.

In the meantime, Gene Simmons, eat your heart out. Here is the Goose showing off her most exercised muscle.

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Thursday, January 26, 2006

Dear Grace

Last night your bother tried to nurse you, and by nurse, I mean he repeatedly rammed your head into his two year old boy nipples while making sucking noises. You did not enjoy being teased like that at all and you yelled at us. You wanted the milk! While I can totally understand how you could confuse mommy's boobs for the boobs of a two year old boy, I can only hope that one day you will understand why I laughed and laughed as big brother did that to you and why I actually encouraged him to keep doing it so I could try to get it on tape.

Consider us even for the 7 months of no sleep. K, sweetie?

Yes, I'm saving up for therapy.

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Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Feeling like a total goober

For signing up for this. In my defense, I mainly want to do it because the pictures are awesome, there is a studio within an hour of me, and Grace is soooooo stinkin' cute that she deserves to be in pictures.

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On his way to the bowling alley

Me- Dude, you are totally going to get lucky tonight....

Him- Well, yeah I am. Especially since I'm wearing this Texas A&M shirt.

Me-.... with a guy.

Him- Hmmmmmmm.

Me- What? You didn't let me finish.

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Monday, January 23, 2006

Happy Birthday, Bird!

This is post is one day late but I wanted to wish a very happy 33rd.... I mean 25th... birthday to the most awesome, wonderful, sweet, sexy, and amazing man in my life. I had Saturday planned for us but as usual, the kids ruined it. Saturday night they refused to stop screaming and Lloyd fell asleep on the floor in Gavin's room and I fell asleep in the living room rocking Grace. Ahhhhh, the romance is alive in our house, isn't it? Of course, it isn't like we had a rockin' birthday bash planned. Since I couldn't find anyone to watch the monsters we were going to get Outback to go, put back a few drinks, play a game of strip Trivial Pursuit (when horny geeks collide, a new game is born), and pay hommage to the IUD. Anyhoo, after Saturday night we decided to let Gavin scream in his room, let Grace sleep in her swing, and head off any problems at the pass. It worked!

It was also nice to have a weekend at home with my husband. He usually works weekends so this was a treat. It was very interesting to watch his parenting in action. Granted, we are both home together every evening but he is usually so sick to death of the monsters by the time I get home from work that he lets me take the reigns as soon as I walk in the door. I must say that Lloyd has perfected the art of lazy parenting. He has invented several games to play with Gavin that revolve around him lying on the floor doing absolutely nothing. My two favorites were "The Bridge"- this is where Lloyd lies on the floor with his legs propped up while Gavin runs excitedly back and forth under his legs- and "Under"- this is where Lloyd lies on the couch and lets Gavin pile blankets on top of him. As the parent who is expected to fly the toddler around like superman for 13 out of his 14 waking hours, I have to say I was jealous and impressed!

Happy Birthday to the most wonderful father and husband in the world! I could not ask for more.

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Sunday, January 22, 2006

G-Mail #7

Hey everybody! I'm 7 months old! That's one whole month past being halfway to a year. Yowza! Makes my brain hurt just thinking about it. This past month has been a month of milestones. In the past 31 days I have started:

1. Sitting on my own
2. Wearning my hair in a pigtail
3. Eating carrots, sweet potatoes, pears, bananas, apples, and squash
4. Pooping all sorts of weird colors and textures (see #3)
5. Sleeping a three hour stretch all by my lonesome in the cosleeper
6. Reading and writing

Hee hee. I'm just kdding about #6. Just wanted to see if you all were paying attention!

I also celebrated my first Christmas and New Years and they were lots of fun! On Christmas Eve mommy took me and big brother to Aunt Heather's house for the day and I got to play with Ally and Maddie. They are some cool chics! I love playing with them. That night, we went to dinner at Aunt Suz's and we partied down with all our neighbors. I fell asleep on the couch after lighting the advent candles. On Christmas day, I got lots of cool gifts from all my family and I love playing with my leap frog piano! I have to admit that while it was lots of fun getting those cool gifts, the best part was ripping off the gift wrap and trying to eat the paper!!

Me and Ally
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New Years Eve was pretty boring. I think we all fell asleep before midnight. That was probably my fault since I haven't slept longer than 5 hours straight since I have been born. On New Years day we went to visit mommy's friend in Brevard and we ate pizza and played at a park. That George sure was one cutie! I'm like mommy. I like older men!!

New Years Day in Brevard
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After New Years, mommy was happy because West Virginia University won the Sugar Bowl! Let's Go Mountaineers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now, what bowl game was Daddy's team in? Hmmmmm. I'm only 7 months old and even I know Texas A&M was too sucky to be in a bowl game.

Sitting up has been really cool. I can play with my toys better and big brother loves to run and tackle me and knock me over. Big brother also like to say "under" and cover me up with a bunch of blankets. I'll show him one day. Heck, at my 6 month appointment I was 21 pounds! I am so going to be bigger than him and I'll be the one calling the shots! Even though he is rough with me, he makes me laugh and laugh and laugh.

Mommy and daddy are doing great. Mommy still nurses me sixteen million times a day and pumps at work. She would really like to sleep more but she is hanging in there. What a champ! Daddy is still bowling on Monday nights and doing awesome! Today is his birthday!!! I have the best daddy in the whole world. I am definitely his princess even though he says he is expecting me to say "mom! I want the cheesy poofs" any minute. Do you think that is a fat joke? I hope everything is good with all of you. I can't wait until March when we visit West by God stand up and be counted Virginia.

Love you all!
Grace E.

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Saturday, January 21, 2006

She's a bad mammajamma

Feeling like a bad mom.

For telling the boy to "quit being such a shit".

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Friday, January 20, 2006

Co-sleeping. Co-sucking???

I have been cosleeping with Grace since she was born. That said, I don't enjoy cosleeping nor do I have a philosophical view of parenting related to cosleeping. I guess I shouldn't say that I don't enjoy cosleeping because I do enjoy the closeness after being away from her all day and there are some ultra sweet moments when she smiles in her sleep with her arm thrown across me and I smell her sweet baby smell and know that all is right in the world. More often than not, however, I am sore from sleeping on my side all night (even with the extra post partum pounds I have some bony and protruding hip bones), I long to snuggle however I damn please with the down comforter pulled up to my nose, and I am friggin' cold. I sleep topless so I can nurse and I can only pull the covers up to my waist so not to cover her up and Lloyd MUST sleep with the fan on and I freeze my..... well, I freeze my boobs off.... every night.

I cosleep out of convenience. Grace reverse cycles and does glean a lot of her nutrition from our night long nursing sessions and needless t say, I am useless at night. I cannot be bothered to trek down a hallway to receive a screaming baby and stay awake in a glider for hour long nursing sessions only to put the baby back in a crib to wake up screaming an hour later. Plus, Lloyd works horendous early morning hours so he can not help with the nighttime parenting. It just wouldn't be fair. It is so easy to put her in bed with me and let her latch on to the boob all night even though I drift in and out of fitful sleep all night long.

I had lunch with a fellow Babycenter mama (don't you all wish you all knew who.. LOL!), who, like me, coslept out of convenience rather than philosophical parenting views and we both agreed that if we coslept because it fell in line with our parenting philosophy we would-

a. enjoy cosleeping a lot more
b. have children who slept through the night at 6 weeks

I don't think there are great benefits to be gained from catching some z's next to a baby and I'm not big on the family bed. If I didn't work and could have invested the time into having a child sleep on their own through the night sans crying, believe you me, I would have done it. With the crappy maternity leaves in the US, I had to do whatever I had to do and maximize sleep/minimize fussing and badda boom badda bing, baby in bed sucking on boob all night long. I don't see this as creating bad habits or whatnot as I don't view cosleeping or night nursing as bad habits BUT I do think that given more time before needing to be at work at 7:30 am I could have established another bedtime routine that involved Grace snoozing happily in her crib and me sprawled out with my boobs on Lloyd rather than Grace.

I think cosleeping is great if it works for the family. It works for us only because it beats the alternative, not because we are family bed kind of people. I do wish that in my heart of hearts I felt that cosleeping was an integral part of parenting but I don't. Kudos to those who do but that ain't me. I think the child left to sleep soundly in a crib is just as adjusted and bonded as the one sleeping next to mama.

I feel the same way about babywearing. I wear Grace in a sling or Bjorn because it is easier than lugging a stroller everywhere. It is convenient. Do I love strapping 20+ pounds on me everywhere I go? Not really. I mean, granted, it is nice to be close to my sweet baby girl but I don't think she is any better off than the baby in a stroller. I do it because it is easier not because it ties in with any of my parenting beliefs.

In writing this I realize that my parenting practices are strongly tied to convenience but ironically enough, what is convenient for me falls very much in like with attachment parenting rather than the mainstream. What does that say about me? Honestly? I'm too sleepy to care.

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Thursday, January 19, 2006

Just showing off

I swear, I am so sick of cleaning up their messes, nursing 24 hours a day, changing 1.3 million poopie diapers a day and saying "no, no, no, no, no, no, no" until my throat is sore but I am so deeply in love with my two monsters that I don't know what to do with myself.

What is it about motherhood that is so difficult but so incredibly awesome at the same time?

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Notice in the center photo the Gavinator is watching the James Blunt video. He LOVES that song and will sit perfectly still and watch that video all day if I would let him. One day, I probably will.

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Monday, January 16, 2006

A little off the top

A thread over on the feeding choices debate board regarding infant ear piercing got me thinking about the subject of circumcision. I know, adorning an infant's ears with earrings is quite a leap to circumcision but are similar in that they are both PURELY COSMETIC changes to an infant's body without their consent. I stated on that thread and I'll state it here, I would never dream of piercing Grace's ears as an infant. Maybe when she is a bit older and can take care of them herself I will think about it but piercing an infant's ears is not even on my radar. I don't know why making a purely cosmetic change to my baby girl is an impossible idea when I did circumcise Gavin. It is something I regret more than not breastfeeding him longer than a few months. That's a whole lot of regret.

When we first found out we were having a boy, my first thought was great, I have to deal with haircuts and my second thought was, are we going to circumcise? I pretty much left that ball in Lloyd's court and like the majority of adult circumcised males in the US, he wanted his son circumcised. It is with great shame I admit that I barely researched the decision. I don't think I had ever seen an uncircumcised penis and socially and culturally, it was my norm. Not that I have vast experience with penises (that is the plural of penis, right? Or is it peni?) but not circumcising did seem a little weird to me. Uncircumcised = weird. Circumcised = normal. Decision made.

I figured there were health benefits and I figured that circumcision was just part of having a boy. I remember mentioning to a male coworker that I was debating circumcising Gavin and his response was "ewwwwwww, why wouldn't you circumcise?????". I don't even know why I had the internal debate when all signs pointed to boys should be circumcised but my inner voice was nagging me about it and I did nothing. Nothing. I have honestly researched smudge-proof eyeliners to a greater extent than I researched circumcision. What the hell was wrong with me?

I was given a video from the hospital where I was to deliver and they addressed circumcision care like it was a normal part of male newborn care. All my parenting books discussed the care of circumcision without even giving a reason to circumcise. Again, it was just like it was the normal thing to do. After Gavin was born the doctor took him to perform the circumcision and it the option wasn't even given for me to be there for the procedure. I don't even know if he had pain relief. What the hell was wrong with me?

I carried this angel for 9 months and I prepared for his coming by attending breastfeeding classes, attending workshops on safe carseat installation, preparing a safe nursery, putting aside money for his college education, and preparing a life insurance policy; and I never even once thought about pain relief or even the actual procedure for when I was going to hand him over on my own free will to forever alter (mutilate) his genitals. I would kill someone if they so much as laid a hand on my precious babe and I willingly signed consents explaining the risks of circumcision- blood loss, infection, and even death- without doing research or even without having a good understanding of the procedure or pain relief.

I have watched videos of circumcision on the internet and I have cried countless tears at the thought of my baby boy going through that. I have had a myriad of emotions- mostly regret- surrounding his circumcision and I don't know when I will make peace with my decision. I don't know how to make peace. It was an ignorant, culturally-driven decision to mutilate my child that and I don't know if I am more angry at myself or at the society in which I live that presents the decision to circumcise as normal. Genital mutilation is not normal. Our culture may tell us it is but it isn't.

There are no benefits to cirumcision and there are many risks. I only wish I could turn back time and make my baby boy whole once again.

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Sunday, January 15, 2006

Reminding myself how cute the girl is so I don't give her away.

Need. Sleep.


Hmmmm, I'm pretty hungry. What to do, what to do?
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Mmmmmmmm, scrumptious! Why did I never try this before?
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Steady. Steeeaaaadddddyyyy. Must. Get. Other. Toe.
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Wow, I daresay the left is even better than the right! Mommy is right! I am sweet!
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Saturday, January 14, 2006

Breakfast of Champions

Since Gavin verbally requested and used the sign for "more" twice with NO prompting (and looked so terribly cute and darn proud of himself while doing it), I fed him three bowls of Post's Maple Pecan Crunch cereal this morning.

If he plays his cards right and continues to delay his language until his 16th birthday, imagine what would happen if he walks up to me that day and verbally requests and signs "car" with NO prompting.

The boy. He can work it.

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Thursday, January 12, 2006

It was a fluke

Grace's 5 hour sleep stretch was a very short-lived milestone. She was up last night at 10:00 pm and I grudgingly left my cozy nest on the couch to settle into the night long side-lying nursing position. Six and half months of sleeping on my side has left my hips sore and my arms numb. I was back to my usual 4 hours of sleep last night.

Her 5 hour strecth had very little to do with The No Cry Sleep Solution and everything to do with God smiling on me for one brief night. Unless the Hoover plug-in has replaced the Pantly pull-out (where the author suggest pulling out the boob and pressing a finger to the chin to get the baby used to sleeping without the boob), the NCSS has only offered valuable tips I am too tired to put in place. The nighttime ritual to get her to fall asleep in the cosleeper involves me vacuuming around the cosleeper for 20 minutes. It coaxes her to sleep and buys me two hours of alone time in the evening (and a very clean bedroom carpet).

I'm back to the drawing board.

Oh, and as far as which twin is which in the below picture? I have no idea. I'm so sleep deprived I'm lucky I can tell Peggy and Sarah apart.

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Quadrouple Trouble

Here are my two bestest friends in the universe with their twins.

Apparently twin births are associated with the excessive intake of drugs (not fertility), alcohol, and $5.00 pizzas at West Virginia University.

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Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Dare I brag?

This post is probably going to come back and bite me royally in the behind but Grace slept through the night last night. Of course, by "through the night" I mean she slept for 5 hours straight and it only happened after I ran the vacuum cleaner next to her cosleeper for 20 minutes to get her to fall asleep without the boob but hey, progress is progress, right?

I feel bad that I didn't take advantage of my FIVE WHOLE HOURS of uninterrupted bliss (and by take advantage I mean do several jager shots) but I'm so used to her waking up after an hour or two that I spent most of the time stressing out and dozing lightly on the couch. Lloyd dozed on the floor of the living room while I dozed on the couch because here is where cosleeping doesn't work for us. If Grace is sleeping in her cosleeper attached to our king size bed and we attempt to go to sleep in the bed, she wakes up. We don't make a peep. Not a peep I say. I have literally undressed in the hallway outside of our room, crawled on the floor to the bed. Slithered under the covers while holding my breath and held as still as a statue for all of 15 seconds until she starts sceaming. It is like she senses the parental presence and is not about to let us get off that easy. If parents are around her then we need to be nursing, rocking, or playing NOT sleeping.

I mean, what kind of parents are we to actually expect to sleep once in awhile? I almost ashamed and embarassed for her. Next thing you know we'll be showing up at her school functions drunk, half-dressed and making out. Good thing she nips our poor behavior in the bud now, right?

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Monday, January 09, 2006

Putting that backfield in motion

This album freakin’ rocks. Lloyd surprised me with it on Saturday and I shook what my mama gave me (much the amusement of my children) while listening to it all day on Sunday.

Here’s two ways to know that you’re thirty:

You describe a Mary J. Blige CD as “it freakin’ rocks”

and

You are sore at work on Monday from shaking what your mama gave you to aforementioned cd

MJB da MVP (track ten) is classic “What’s the 411” MJB and totally reminds me of cruising Kanawha City with Nikki G in Michelle Gibson’s Pulsar. Wine cooler, anyone?

Track 16 is a duet with U2 of One (Achtung Baby) and just when I thought I couldn’t like the song One anymore than I already do, I hear this version.

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Saturday, January 07, 2006

You've got the cutest little baby legs

I am so glad I stumbled across Mama C-ta's blog and discovered baby legs. At the risk of sounding like a high school cheerleader, these are the cutest things EVER! I ordered a couple of pair for Grace for Christmas and much to my surprise they fit over her very chubby thighs and not only do they stay up, the keep her socks on!

If only my fat ass looked this cute hanging out of my pants....

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Admiring her baby legs

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The not so fun part is that the Gavinator points to every single stripe (and there are about a million of them) and says "whassat, whassat, whassat" and I must name every color. Aqua, tangerine, pink, no wait, fuschia, green? Or is that sage?

Here is the boy wearing daddy's diaphragm cap (aptly named by me because it looks like a diaphragm... not that I would actually know considering I got pregnant three times in 2 years but it looks like what I think a diaphragm would look like). This is proof positive that pure evil comes in really cute packages-

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Friday, January 06, 2006

She

This song makes me think of her. Well, at least this part:

There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.


I know it's true.

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Wednesday, January 04, 2006

So very sad

My thoughts and prayers are with their families.

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6 Month Stats

Head Circumference- 17 1/2 inches
What this means- Grace has a big brain just like her momma

Weight- 21 pounds 8.5 ounces
What this means- Grace's weight is greater than the 97th percentile. There is no growth chart known to man that can contain my baby.

Length- 27 1/2 inches
What this means- only 4 more feet until Grace's length catches up with her weight.

Vaccinations- three

Status- Grace is healthy as a horse and fat and happy.

Recommendations- Try to get some iron rich solids into her. No duh, doc.

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Monday, January 02, 2006

New Years Resolutions

This mom's jeans skit from Saturday Night Live has been one of my biggest inspirations for staying in shape and staying as far away from a mom bod as humanly possibly. I refuse to look like a mom. My first Friday back at work after having Grace (we're allowed to wear jeans on Friday) someone told me I looked like a soccer mom and I nearly died. Nearly EFFIN died. My first day back to work after having Gavin I was asked out by a doctor and when I told him I was married and this was my first day back from maternity leave he told me I was quite the MILF and then we parted ways. I went from a MILF to a soccer mom in less than 2 years. How does that happen to a person? Oh, that's right. I know how. One gets pregnant three times in two years and gains and loses thirty pounds no less than twice and then breastfeeds (screw what science says, I don't lose weight while breastfeeding; I have the breastfeeding hunger) all at the expense of one's own waistline.

Don't get me wrong, the G-unit is totally worth every single imperfection in my figure but I long to be the svelte size 4-6 I was when I first met Lloyd. My weight has been all over the map since college. I was always thin and was probably a size 6-8 in highs school but then I went to college and apparently I was an overachiever because I didn't gain the freshman 15; I gained the freshman 40. I loved drinking and the only thing I loved more than drinking in college was the All-American meal at McDonald's (cheeseburger, fries, and a small drink for $1.99). My friends and I hung out at the Brass Alley Pub where they provided free wings and pitchers of beer to underage freshman and badda-boom-badda-bing: 40 pounds on the frame.

It was weird to be overweight when for so many years I was used to being thin. I had reverse anorexia. I would look in the mirror and there would be a fatty-watty-bo-batty but I saw the size 6 chic of my past. My weight yo-yo'd in college vascilating with my partying ways. I should add that despite my partying, beer-drinking, and pot smoking ways I remained quite the intellect (I graduated with a 4.0 GPA- who's your daddy, beeeeeeyachhhh!) and on nights off from the bars I stayed up late studying at the student union munching on Biggie fries, peanut M&M's, sugar laden coffee.

After college, I moved to South Carolina, joined a gym, gave up my partying ways and lost all the weight. I lost it all after having Gavin but since having Grace, and extra ten pounds has been hanging on and making me feel like such a mom. I can still squeeze into my size 6 jeans but I have a muffin top and it makes me sad. It has only been six months since she has been born but I can't keep using the "I just had a baby" excuse forever. I have an intense fear of letting myself go because I am a mom.

Truth be told, I have let myself go since becoming a mom. All my interests, all my free time, all my everything have just been let go for my kids and I'm ok with that but my waist- that's all me. I refuse to let that go. I resolve to lose the baby weight and to kick the ass of the person who called me a soccer mom. So let it be written. So let it be done.

Me in college (next to a keg and Sarah. Yep, that's about right)

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Me and Lloyd before kids

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Me when Gavin was 8 months old

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Me now (no body shots, thank you very much)

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Why I hoped for a girl

PIGTAILS!!!!!!!!!!!

Grace's first pigtail! Yet another New Year's Eve first!

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The much anticipated pictures of the now dubbed "sweet potato experience"

Check out big bro in the middle!

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