Drowning in a river

Gavin’s vocabulary is growing at such an incredible pace that I really need to start spelling out f.u.c.k. and s.h.i.t. before my potty mouth comes back to bite me in the a.s.s in the form of a hyperactive and extremely loud two and a half year old. In just the past couple of weeks, some of the words he has started saying are:

Wheel
Who did that? (this is especially funny when said while spinning around to check his butt after farting)
Wash
Sheets (Lloyd was amazed when Gavin pointed to his bed and said “wash sheets” since no one had ever taught Gavin that. Ummmm, rrrrrrriiiiggghhht. I can think of a certain no one who, while Gavin watches, washes Gavin's sheets every weekend and her name starts with an “A” and ends with a “manda”)
Thanks
Hands
Boy
Play
Knee
Boo boo
Neck
Puppy
I want (My suggestion for other parents is to NOT teach your kids this phrase because they want everything. It’s a given. No need for them to verbally express it, in my opinion)
Night night
Light
Bye bye
Plate
Spoon
High
Leah
Poopy


His increased vocabulary is certainly making communication, and therefore our lives, much easier. For the past two years Gavin has thrown himself on the floor in a fit of rage screaming and crying for upwards of an hour while we played try to figure out what Gavin wants. Right! He wants everything! Now Gavin still throws himself on the floor in a fit of rage screaming and crying but it is because we told him “no” to his one millionth request for a Fig Newton cookie rather than because of our inability to understand his one millionth request for a Fig Newton cookie. See how much easier our lives are? See? See? Please, somebody tell me you can see that!! I talked to Gavin’s speech therapist yesterday and he is at or above normal in all areas of speech except expressive language. In other words, Gavin has difficulty putting words together to formulate thoughts. I should let his speech therapist have a look see at my blog and she would see that yet again, the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree. She also revealed to me that upon first meeting Gavin, her and the physical therapist were convinced that he was autistic but after getting to know him, he is far too attached, empathetic, and emotional to be autistic. She said he is just one of the worst cases of sensory integration dysfunction she has ever seen and that he is such a mixed bag of sensory seeking and avoidance and he is so rigid in his behaviors that she has found him difficult to treat. Well, I’ll see your difficult to treat and raise you one because he is such a mixed bag of pain in the ass a.s.s that I find him difficult to parent.

The conversation between me and Gavin’s speech therapist quickly turned from Gavin to Lloyd and as it turns out, that was her main reason for calling. Certainly brings family-centered care to a whole new level and I did commend her for looking at our family dynamics when looking the treatment for Gavin. See, Lloyd and I have two entirely different ways of parenting and I’m not going to say whose way is better (although I’ll give you a hint….. starts with an “A”…..) but to be perfectly honest, I believe I deal with the pressures and stresses of parenting better than the husband. I don’t think he is at fault; there are just innate differences between men and women and while Lloyd is definitely Mr. Mom in many regards- what with all the cooking and child rearing and therapist taking and bottle making- the Mr. in front of the Mom says it all. He is a man (a damn fine man if I do say so myself) and he is fighting to stay afloat in the river of tears and poopy diapers we live in and that has become achingly apparent to Gavin’s therapist over the past few months. Well, that and he has great taste in clothes (still not sure why she told me that but since I mentioned it, he does). She gave me some tips about what Lloyd and I can do to improve our situation: put Gavin in preschool (we’re doing that in August… check), get Lloyd out of the house (he bowls on Thursday nights… check), and have a date night (trying to line up a babysitter as we speak… check).

The thing that bothers me the most is that I would give anything to be the one at home with the kids and he would give anything to not be at home with the kids and no, this is not a case of the grass is always greener. Like I said before, Lloyd and I deal with parenting differently and I thrive in the utter and complete chaos that is life with the Gavinator and the Goose. I don’t know what it is about child bearing but I am almost deaf to the screaming (almost) and I am proud of the fact I can nurse a wiggly ten month old, mop the kitchen floor, fry an egg, chop broccoli, and unload the dishwasher at the same time. In fact, it is what I am the proudest of. Unfortunately, my staying at home is not an option. So while Lloyd and I have agreed all along that it is in the best interest of the kids and in our best interest financially to have a parent at home, is it still in the best interest of the kids and our finances if one of the parents is quickly losing it while staying at home with the kids? Losing it to the point I have a parent-therapist conference about my husband instead of my child. Losing it the point that the therapist feels if Lloyd is unable to relate to Gavin it will hinder Gavin’s progress? If it’s not in the best interest of our family then what the hell h.e.l.l. are we doing it for?