Day 12: What Not To ExpectPhotobucket - Video and Image Hosting

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Putting that Backfield in Motion since 2003

Thursday, May 04, 2006

When you hate your family

Not the Goose or the Gavinator or the husband; but other family. Anyone have close family (not close in proximity but close in terms of relation.... a brother, for example) that you have just shut out of your life completely to spare any further hurt feelings and/or complete and total bullshit in your life? I'm doing it and I'm not proud of it but I'm starting today. I just don't see why because someone is a sibling I should have to be friendly with them or even have any sort of relationship with them when the fact is, I DON'T WANNA!! I have done it over the years because I do value family but what I value is not necessarily MY family but the idea of what I think family should be and what I hoped mine would one day become. I also want to set a good example for my children by being a good daughter/sibling/wife because my kids are- or one day will be- all of the above (or close to it... son/sibling/husband) and I feel they will learn by watching me. The thought of Gavin and Grace not growing up and being friends breaks my heart.

I can't do it anymore, though. It is long and complicated and I'm not about to get into it here but I'm exhausted by putting forth what I feel to be a tremendous effort to only be trashed, ridiculed, and told I'm a waste of time. And really, the events of the past week or so are not even dramatic enough to deserve such trash-talking or insults but so they have come to be and for what reasons I don't even know. The emotional toll of caring about a person, albeit if only by obligation and pursuit of a family unit to be presented as an example to my own children, is great and I have enough on my plate. I believe that putting to bed the idea of a family I would like to show to my children is a small sacrifice to be able to take care of my own family in the present without emotional baggage.

I'm not a bad person. I might become one if I try to be a good sister. Game over.

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2 Comments:

Blogger Melissa said...

I'm sorry. You really really do have enough on your plate. I gave up "friendly relations" with my sister about 2 years ago and while it wasn't by choice at the time, it's been a God send. I have so much less stress, I wish I had done it years ago.

And I don't think your a waste of time. Otherwise I wouldn't check in every night to see your doing. Consider me your blog neighbor!!

10:56 PM  
Blogger Ally said...

Yes, Jim's sister because she is a lunatic who refuses to get help or take responsibility for her behavior. I cut her off a few years before he did, but he finally cut her loose last year. I think having a child gave him a new perspective on what kind of people belong in our lives. It was painful for him, but life is much better without the drama.

Sorry you are going through it too. It sucks. But I think it is the healthiest decision you can make for yourself and for your family.

9:52 AM  

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