Q&A

Amy asked:

Anyway, I would be thrilled if you would give us some tips on what you are doing to celebrate. I'm still trying to decide how big these shin-digs are supposed to be (i.e. Do I invite my friends without kids, too? Because that's pretty much most of my friends at this point.)

Take this with a grain of salt as I am socially-retarded when it comes to party etiquette outside of throwing a kegger in Sunnyside but what we tend to do for first birthdays is celebrate OUR survival of the first 11+1 months. The kid is too young to remember anything and really participate in any of the festivities so we like to invite our closest friends and family members, have some pizza or throw some food on the grill, watch the baby eat smear an entire cake all over his/her face, open gifts, and then sit around for the final half hour or so and share war stories from the first year. This last part is especially fun if you have friends who have kids and it turns into a game of one-upmanship.

“You call that a butt explosion? Check this out [show party goers my profile picture of the Goose’s massive blowout to beat all blowouts. Why do you think I took a picture of that? Bragging rights, dude].”

I say yes, invite your friends who don’t have kids because more than likely they will be the only ones to have the energy to keep the party going and the money to buy nice gifts. Besides, when the time comes to share war stories, they probably have a few tales about Fido’s indiscretions to share that interestingly enough will sound strikingly similar to raising a baby and your stories will serve as a reminder to them to go home and take their birth control. It is win-win for everyone.

I usually have a food activity for the kids such as cupcake or cookie decorating. We did that at both Gavin’s first and second birthday parties and it was a hit. It is fun to sit back and laugh when you send your friends home with children totally high on high fructose corn syrup. Be sure to hand out the gift bags with the annoying toys that make a lot of noise right as the children are leaving so they can play with them in the car the entire way home. Don’t worry, your friends will get back at you at their kids birthday parties. It is a rite of passage for all parents.

Because my kids have enough toys to last a lifetime, I generally ask those with kids not to buy my kids anything. I prefer that they let their kids pick out a toy from their own stash to give to my kid as a gift. This way, they get to clean out some of their stash, my kid gets a new toy and when they are totally over it after 15 seconds no money is lost, and the child who gave the gift learns a lesson in giving. This is all fine and good but sometimes it backfires when the child who gave the gift changes their mind at the last minute and doesn’t want to part with their toy and must be dragged out of the house screaming… all hopped up on sugar… with annoying, loud toy in tow.

Good times.




Judy asked:

My question is how the h-e-double-hockey-sticks do you get anything done with two little ones running around? I mean, I have a hard enough time just going to the bathroom some days.

Simple, Judy. I had colostomy and urostomy bags placed so I never have to go to the bathroom. It is amazing how much more time you have when you aren’t wasting those pesky minutes on the pot.

Just kidding. Honestly? Some days I don’t know how I do it. I have a wonderful husband who is supportive, extremely hands-on with the kids, and knows his way around a kitchen so that makes life easier. Oh, and the Zoloft and vodka don’t hurt, either.