Hello World

I hate to admit it but I am so happy to be back at work today. I am so happy to not have a child hanging on me; so happy to not have to watch Noggin or play and replay the Cars DVD; so happy to not be cleaning up puke and doing load after load of laundry. I’m not happy that the husband is stuck at home with them but he has a few things in his favor that I didn’t have:

1. No kid hanging off his ta-tas

2. He gets relieved from his parental duties when I get home at 4:15 while I was the single parent until 7:00. Sure, some of you may be thinking that three hours doesn’t seem like a long time and to those obviously childless people I say strap a 27 pound sack of potatoes that pukes up curdled breast milk and barely chewed Cheerios every 5-10 minutes to you for three hours. Now tell me if three hours seems like a long time.

3. He gets to go bowling tonight. In exchange for being stuck at home with Puke E. McGee and Mr. I-”heart”-Lightning-McQueen-more-than-anything-except-throwing-fits-when-I-can’t-eat-candy-all-day for 9 hours, he gets to have a night out in a place that serves alcohol. The fact that the bowling alley serves alcohol is the only positive thing I can think to say about a bowling alley.


I think the hardest thing about being stuck at home with sick kids all weekend long was that I didn’t leave my house and/or have any contact with the outside world (except for when my neighbor stopped by to bring me chocolate truffles) for longer than 48 hours. I’m a people person. I don’t do well in isolation. I swear, I almost went all Nell and started speaking in my own language.

When the husband came home on Sunday night I just hugged him and tried to breathe in the outside world off his clothes. Unfortunately, the husband works a sweaty job in a stinky airport so rather than taking in a whiff of the world, I took in some B.O. and traveler funk. Still, it beat what I had been taking in all weekend.

The other thing that sucked about being stuck at home all weekend- or rather being stuck at home without caller i.d.- was that I was there to answer the phone when my mom called. I haven’t been purposely dodging her calls since the Great Gavin Birthday Diss of 2006 but I haven’t been going out of my way to let my fingers do the walking in her direction, either. My mom called to tell me that she wouldn’t be coming down to my house for Thanksgiving. I didn’t mention her planning to come down for Thanksgiving on here because I KNEW it would go bust and as much I as I like proving to everyone that I’m right, this is somewhat of a sensitive subject.

Short story long, my brother and sister usually go to her house for Thanksgiving but this year they have both been mad at her and not speaking to her so she figured they had bailed on Thanksgiving. I don’t go anywhere over Thanksgiving. Me no likey traveling over the holidays. Besides, we always have a blast with our neighbors. Anyhoo, without confirming aforementioned bailing, she went ahead and made plans with me to come to South Carolina. As it turns out, however, my brother and sister were still planning on going to her house so once she caught wind of the fact that they both thought T-day was still on at her house, rather than telling them to stuff it (ba-dum-dum-dum), she turned around and bailed on me.

She told me- and I quote- “it is easier to screw you over because I know you won’t get mad.”

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “W to the T to the F!!!!!!?????” but honestly, she is totally right. I’m not mad and it is easier to screw me over than the other two. I only kind of sort of care because it would be nice for my kids to kind of sort of know their grandma but whatever. After thirty one years, I can’t muster any more than an “eh”.

Eh.