Show me the Show me State

Finally I am kind of sort of caught up enough to attempt to make a halfway decent attempt to blog about my trip to Kansas City.

First of all, I must say that if you are planning any air travel in the near future you must- YOU. MUST- take a breast pump along with you as a carry on.

Formula feeding? No children? No breasts?

No matter.

One has not lived until they have taken a breast pump through a TSA check point. There is nothing like saying goodbye to your children, fighting back a sea of tears, and standing in your socked feet as a wand is waved around your body while a TSA agent- upon viewing the innards of your Pump In Style on the x-ray machine thingy- yells out “I need a bag check… I need a bag check NOW” and “Ma’am! What is THIS!?!”

“It’s a breast pump.”

Even through the squiggly, blurry, wet vision brought about by my tearful good bye, I could see that all eyes immediately went to my chest. The TSA agent who had to perform some sort of test on my pump made small talk with me by saying “you certainly don’t look like you have any kids” Too which I told him “yeah, well, breastfeeding burns calories... and it didn’t make my boobs any bigger.” The businessman behind me snickered while the agent blushed.

Speaking of tearful goodbyes, I tried with all my might to not cry when I said goodbye to the kiddos. I’m not really comfortable with crying in public places but mostly I didn’t want to cry because since the airport is the husband’s place of work, I was worried I would embarrass him if I turned our farewell into a blubberfest.

After Gavin hugged me and gave me a wet, sloppy kiss directly on my mouth and Grace pressed her body close to mine and nuzzled my neck while pleading “nusss, nussss, nussss”, I could barely contain my tears. I turned to the husband and told him that I thought I was going to cry and that I was sorry. He told me that it wouldn’t be the first time somebody cried at the airport and it happens “more than you know.” That’s all he had to say for the tears to start flowing and I made my way through security boo hooing the whole way.

The flight to Atlanta was short and sweet and I had several hours to kill at the Atlanta airport thanks in part to a layover and later to an hour and half delay due to the heavy rain in the southeast. I passed the time sipping chai tea and reading Life Expectancy by Dean Koontz. It was one of the millions of books the husband has brought home after cleaning out the airplanes at work. I don’t believe I have read a Dean Koontz novel but I enjoyed it. Finally I had enough of my goody-two-shoes-tea-drinking-page-turning ways and I hit the bar.

One of the perks of being a female traveler (besides being viewed positively for using a business trip as a vacation) is that 99% of business travelers are males- male who are more than willing spare a couple bucks to buy one, two, even three beer for a lonely female traveler.

Sure, I had to listen as one traveler bemoaned in a British accent (an accent that I cannot say in any certain terms was actually authentic) about the cheating ways of his ex-wife and the challenges of being an older bachelor with a convertible and sole ownership of several clubs in Fort Lauderdale and then listen again as several other travelers tried to convince me they were starting players for the Seattle Seahawks and they were on their way to Kansas City for their game against the Chiefs the next night. Those guys were maybe 5’10”, 180 pounds and they topped their Seahawks jerseys with Greek letter emblazoned baseball caps and while I’m sure the odds were greater that I was sitting next to Ghandi than the Seattle Seahawks, I just nodded, smiled, and raised my glass in honor of the Hawks and sipped my free beer.

Once in Kansas City, I discovered that my hotel was in a lovely part of town known as the Country Club Plaza. Fabulous shopping and yummy dining were a short walk from my down-covered queen sized bed. The class let out daily at 5:30 and allowed for an hour and a half lunch break so I was able to take advantage of the Plaza every noon and evening.

The class itself was fabulous. Upon the completion of my final test, I will be certified in Childhood and Adolescent Weight Management. The class did serve to enhance my knowledge of the treatment of pediatric overweight but I was happy to discover that really, it did more to reinforce my current knowledge and practices. In other words, I was already da bomb and very shortly, I’ll have a piece of paper to prove it.

Of course what you are all waiting to hear about are my fantabulous meetings with the very lovely Dee and the beautiful Abby. I have read their recounts of our meetings on their blogs and I was quite surprised to see that they were both nervous about meeting me! I was really, really excited about meeting them but being nervous never crossed my mind. Of course, perhaps after three days straight of sitting for 8 hours and being starved into submission (dietetic conferences tend to be light on available food… and by light I mean none) turned off the part of my brain that registers nervousness but it never dawned on me to be nervous. Mostly because I’ve “known” Abby for about three years thanks in part to Babycenter and while I’ve only recently discovered Dee’s blog (thanks NSPIT), I immediately felt like I could relate to her. Besides, even if we met and had nothing in common, we have both been pregnant, had babies (now toddlers), and work outside the home so if all else had failed, a friendly game of “which mommy had it worse” could have served as chit chat.

Come on, you all know every time you are around other moms, it always turns to a game of WMHIW:

“My daughter didn’t start sleeping through the night until 7 months!”

“You think that’s bad? Little Timmy didn’t start sleeping through the night until one year!!!”

“Yeah well, this one time, Susie pooped and it leaked through her diaper and got all over her bouncy seat. It took forever to clean up!”

This is where I pull my trump card… wait for it… wait for it….

“Oh really, try living through THIS!”

(note to readers: don’t even try to go there with me on the WMHIW- poop edition)

Anyhoo, it never came to WMHIW with Dee because the conversation just flowed. She is very cool and her hair is fabulous. I have total hair envy for women with short hair who wear it well. I tried going short once and I looked like a mushroom (actually, I believe my words were “OMG!! I LOOK LIKE A PENIS!!!” but since this is a family blog, I thought I would stick to my other favorite me with short hair analogy- the mushroom).

Now what can I say about Abby? First of all, she is just as funny in person- actually she is MORE funny in person- as she is on the board and she is far more beautiful than any of the pictures of herself she has shared online. We talked and talked and talked and 5 hours went by in the blink of an eye. Girlfriend won my heart by not only making me laugh all night long but also by slamming her body weight in beer in less than 5 hours and nary a wobble in her step to show for it. I nursed a massive hangover the whole way back to South Carolina but apparently what Abby lacks in stature, she more than makes up for in liver function because she was hangover free.

I am truly amazed by the community of mothers not only on boards like Babycenter but also out in the blogosphere. I am thankful that amidst one of the biggest steps of my journey through motherhood- leaving my babes to further my career- I was able to meet two fabulous women. Unfortunately, I will now have to miss both of them but fortunately, I can always read their blogs.