Day 12: What Not To ExpectPhotobucket - Video and Image Hosting

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Officially a Mom

Putting that Backfield in Motion since 2003

Thursday, May 10, 2007

The Secret

This morning I went to “Muffins with Mom” at Gavin’s preschool in honor of mother’s day. Before we left the house I told him how excited I was to be going to school with him and he told me “No! You can’t go to school with me!” Sweet. Love you, too, kiddo.

On the drive to school he told me that he didn’t want to sit me and that I could sit with Ella and he was going to sit with John David. Right. Because John David squeezed your giant head out of his nether regions so of course you should want to sit with him at a mother’s day breakfast.

As it turned out, I was the fetcher of muffins and juice so he wanted to sit with me but he wouldn’t let me eat. He took the muffins off of my plate and put them on his and ate all of them. The Gavinator is not that big of an eater so I imagine the only reason he ate all four mini muffins was so I could not eat the muffins. He also knows I am entirely too vain to make a second trip to the buffet with a hundred other women looking on so he had covered all the bases of “operation starve mom at the muffins for mom breakfast”. Awesome. I can hear the sales from my mom diet book skyrocketing.

However, the craziest thing about the breakfast was not that my son did not want me to go, did not want me to sit next to him, and did not want me to eat. It was as I was trying to get my butt back to work in time for a meeting that Gavin did decide I was worthy of his love and would not let go of my leg that a woman came up to me and told me that she had been dying to meet me and she just knew I must be something special.

Come again?

I thought people spreading tales of my glory in bathroom stalls ended in Morgantown.

What the hell was she talking about? She thinks I’m special because my kid is totally and completely insane and I have made it three and half years without institutionalizing him? She reads my blog? Follows my 365? Thinks I’m special because for someone who is as flat chested as a 12 year old boy I manage to talk about and show off my ta-tas daily? (speaking of the ta-ta’s, they’re fine… thanks for asking)

As it turns out, it was none of the above. She was dying to meet me and assumed I was special because I’m married to a man who… GASP… SHOCK… takes care of his children!!!!!!! She told me she sees the husband drop off the Gavinator and pick him three times a week with the Goose in tow and she just doesn’t understand how with all his testosterone and scrotal tissue he manages to do it when her husband can’t even play catch with her kids and would NEVER do what my husband does. She went on to tell me that I am SO lucky and SO blessed and she is SO happy to finally be able to see the kind of woman who could get a man like that.


I leaned in and told her that he cooks, too, and you would have thought I told her that he was making me orgasm at that very moment from one mile away.

I don’t know what is more sad: that she is married to a man that can’t even play catch with his own damn kids or that another female would think it was so earth shattering terrific and amazing that a man is doing what 62 billion other women do EVERY. STINKIN’. DAY. Not only that, women do it with NONE of the crazy accolades that this woman expressed to me. Hell, I do what he does and no one runs up to the husband wanting to meet the man who is married to me! I also hate the insinuation that I must be so flippin’ special for him to that. It was almost like she wanted me to let her in on my secret of how to make man take care of his kids.

You want to know my secret? Don’t procreate with a piece of shit who won’t even play catch with his own kids and uses a Y chromosome as an excuse.

Now granted, I am one hot piece of ass with a magical vagina but he doesn’t take care of his own children for those reasons. He takes care of his children because they are his children. That’s what parents- male and female- are supposed to do.

Don’t get me wrong. I do know I am lucky and I do know I am blessed and my husband is a pretty terrific father and while maybe he can’t always make me orgasm from a mile away, he’s got a pretty good average.

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Anonymous Ally said...

Wuh? Really? Good grief. That's called a self-fufilling prophecy.

4:06 PM  
Blogger san said...

I totally agree with you that someone should run up to all husbands on this planet and tell them what wonderful wifes they have for doing all the ...ahm... stuff that parents should naturally do.


5:05 PM  
Blogger san said...

oops... typo... i meant "wives" of course.

5:05 PM  
Blogger Wendy said...

I had a similar experience at Target. Hubby had the boy looking at shirts while me and the girl were off actually getting what we came there for. These 2 women (older, I might add) just gushed over him, because he had wander away from me with a child. ALL. BY. HIMSELF.

Oooooh, he is so great. Yeah, he is great and I can leave the kids with him and find everyone alive when I get back. I deal with crazy everyday and no one ooooooooos and aaaaaaaahs over me.

7:22 PM  
Blogger denise said...

I can completely feel for you! I hear similar comments about my husband. What scares me is the other parents. If my husband is so amazing, what are all the other dads like? (Don't get me wrong, I think he rocks, I'm just saying...)

12:20 AM  
Blogger Abby said...

Whenever I tell my husband he can take the kids or even one kid and go wherever, he says fine. They get free food at the store and all the women give him smiles. No big deal.

I take the kids to Target and both start crying and screaming and everyone looks at me like I have three heads. (not to mention now I am obviouly carrying another and I get the looks of, "That is what happens when babies have babies. She should know how to prevent that by now." Even though I am 30 @@)

10:41 AM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

That poor woman. That is really, really sad.

...And come to think of it, I get the same kind of looks and comments. Most recently because my husband volunteered, willingly, no, EXCITEDLY, to come with me to a breastfeeding rally (and not just for the free show).

It's sad that men like this still exist, and sadder still that women wind up having children by them.

9:08 AM  
Anonymous Beanbaggie said...

Sing it, sister.

That's one of my gripes about our society--or at least some of the people in it: Men are generally too dunderheaded/interested in "Better things" to be trusted with their own children, and if a man is a good father, an equal partner and involved with his kids, people act like he's a freak-saint hybrid.

A related pet peeve: When someone says "Well, DH is babysitting the kids..." He is not! Babysitting is something you do for someone else's kids. He's WATCHING HIS OWN CHILDREN. It's his job, as a father. grr.

6:57 PM  
Anonymous Emily said...

>Men are generally too dunderheaded/interested in "Better things" to be trusted with their own children...

I didn't mean this literally; I meant "Some people think that men are generally to dunderheaded...etc."

I think the vast majority of men can and should be entrusted with their own kids. :)

6:59 PM  
Blogger The Soul's Muse said...

I certainly hope, for the world's benefit, that you're working on a book.

5:04 PM  

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