Day 12: What Not To ExpectPhotobucket - Video and Image Hosting

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Officially a Mom

Putting that Backfield in Motion since 2003

Friday, September 29, 2006

Drama for this mama

There is this person- we'll call him Bert- who totally lost his shit on me. Totally. I'm not so perturbed that he lost his shit on me than I am at the intense and emtional level in which he lost his shit on me.

I've been with my husband for years. We are soooooo past the dramatic stage in our relationship. There were days in the beginning of our relationship we we both could have been up for the Oscar in the Best Dramatic Performance in a Relationsip but now? Now we couldn't even stay up late enough to watch the Oscars even if we tried and you know what? I like it this way. I love the fact that those dramatic first days and months are behind us. I like the fact that while I still love him with all of my being, we're just not that Beverly Hills 90210.

The sun no longer rises and sets on whether or not he calls me or on whether he looks at me a certain way. We can fart and burp in front of each other and argue over who clogged the toilet and whose responsibility it is to unclog said toilet. There was a time when he reached out and touched my arm in a bar on Bourbon Street and I got chills and then we raced back to our hotel room to get our freak on. Now he reaches out to run the vacuum cleaner and I get chills and then he races upstairs to bathe the kids while allowing me to finish watching The Daily Show.

The romance is far from gone in our relationship but comfort is at its maxiumum while drama is at its minimum and I. Have. Never. Been. Happier.

Me no likey drama.

So back to Bert. A couple of weeks ago Bert confessed to me that he thought another fellow- who we shall hence forth call MC- had a crush on me. MC and I have been friends for about 5 years. He is married and I am married and we talk about spouses, kids, football and all that crap. Cool guy to talk with and nothing more and nothing less. I totally laughed me butt off over the idea of MC having a crush on me so later that day while MC and I were walking together, I did what any other mature adult would do when faced with the knowledge that someone thinks another someone has a crash on me and proceeded to do a little dance while singing "you know you liiiiiiike meeeeeeeeeee! Beeeeerrrrtttt thiiiiiiinks yoooooooooouuuuu liiiiiiiike meeeeeeeeeeee!!! Yooooooouuuuu can't haaaaaaaave meeeeeeeee".

We both had a good chuckle over someone thinking we had something going on so we came up with a plan. A very mature plan. MC decided he would come up to a place that I am in the afternoon- totally out of his way- so that Bert could see him walking me out and we would be all "giggle, giggle, snort, snort... byyyyyyeeeeeeee, Beeeerrrrtttt!!"

The plan went off without a hitch and we had a good laugh and that was it. Or so we thought.

The very next week Bert was a total ass. He woldn't talk to me and when he did it was very curt and I just figured something was going on at home or he was stressed out by something and aside from asking him what was wrong a couple of times, I didn't put much thought into it.

Until today.

Today Bert came up to me and was very, very angry. He accused me of being a "skank" and getting it on with MC like "a dog in heat". He said he knew I had gone somewhere twice in the past week (hello, I was going to have my cervix scraped and burned off... not something I advertise) and figured I was off humping MC somewhere. I sort of kind of tuned him out after that because drama aun't my thang and it was oh so ridiculous that honestly, I couldn't waste a brain cell on even processing the complete and total bullshit that being thrown my way. After he was done with his rant, I warned him that he better start wearing a cup because I was going to kick him in the nuts the next time I saw him and I stormed off.

I came back 45 minutes later and Bert asked to speak to me. He said he was sorry and that "jealousy" had gotten the best of him. As it turns out, Bert likes me. In Bert's words, he "likes me too much". MC walking me out was too much for him to handle and he got jealous and when he gets jealous, he gets angry. That's why he was a dickwad to me for a whole week and went off on me and called me a "skank". He was sullen and teary-eyed and I just wanted the the eff out of there.

I had no idea. I had no idea that Bert was crazy infactuated with me. I can totally see a little school boy crush here and there but for somewhere to go all Ike Turner on me.... it's mind-boggling.

I'm totally fuh-reaked for two reasons:

The main reason is the extend of Bert's emotions. The week's worth of anger, the hurful words, the need for a solemn apology.... It's all very intense. Dude went from "YOU EES A SKANK" to a tearful apology with his voice all crack-a-lackin' while declaring "I like you too much" in under 45 minutes. It absolutely makes me crazy that someone who isn't the husband circa 2002 could be that emotional over me. I don't like it. Not one bit. Overt displays of emotion outside of weddings, funerals, and the birth of a child make me fairly nervous as is so this registers as a 50 on my scale of 1-10 of things that make me severely uncomfortable enough to put my bury my head in the sand and never come out.

The second reason is that someone actually thought I was cheating on my husband... on my kids. I mean, who the hell do you think I am if you think not only MC and I were humping but to also think that you might have a chance!?! Sure, I'm outgoing and a probably a little flirty but that's just my personality. I make it abundantly clear to everyone that I am a married mom and I bring the husband and the kiddos around A LOT. Bert and I have known each other for over 5 years. He has seen me through two marriages, one divorce, the birth of two children and countless other milestones and has always been somewhat of a father figure to me (insert West Virginia joke here). I thought we had a good, friendly relationship and now I feel as thought it has all been a lie.

So it is true. Women and men can't be friends. Do you think they can?


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Blogger Abby said...

In my opinon? Yes women can be friends with men but men can not be friends with women. That is what I truly believe. I think Billy Crystal was right, sex always gets in the way. As in the man always ends up wanting it from the woman even if they are just friends. Men's minds work differently than women's. I do not know if men and women can ever be just friends. In a man's mind anyway.

Then again, my judgement is severly clouded....

3:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I concur w/ Abby on this one. Being "just friends" w/ a member of the opposite sex definitely comes from a woman's perspective.... let me add hetero male friendship that is. I think that is why "When Harry Met Sally" struck such a chord. I'm glad you brought it up bc explaining this to some women is hopeless..They have their head in the clouds on this one!

4:58 PM  
Blogger Maria P. said...

I agree with the above. I have yet to have a true friendship with anyone of the opposite sex that I haven't had to cut off because it started to head in a direction not appropriate for a married woman.

I have plenty of male acquaintances but non that I've been able to connect with, with out our sexuality getting in the way.

Frankly I don't have any girlfriends who have either. Someone always ends up having feelings for the other person.

5:24 PM  
Blogger karrie said...

I'm going to disagree:men and women can maintain honest,caring,platonic friendships.

Real life examples from today:

This morning I met an ex-bf of mine, who was later a roommate (platonic), for coffee. We sat and talked, walked around the farmer's market and then he took my husband's dog for a walk.(No pets where he lives.) No stress, no drama, no hot crushing from either of us.

This afternoon, we all went to a pie potluck party thrown by another one of my oldest guy friends and his wife. I occasionally meet this friend for lunch or whatever. We've been friends for a decade and it has always been purely a casual friendship.

Both of these guys stood by me and supported me when I was pregnant and my sigle girlfriends couldn't run away fast enough. They have both proven their friendship to be genuine and motive and drama free, many times over.

9:19 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

Revoke my American citizenship because I have NEVER seen When Harry Met Sally.

I do have friends who are guys- some of whom are exes- who I know are not crushing on me in the least but I don't see them every day or even every month and we keep up via e-mail/Myspace mostly.

Thanks for weighing in, Karrie. I enjoy having friendships with the opposite sex but this whole thing with Bert has really made me wonder.

9:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Abby, Maria and Anonymous, you have it exactly right!! Old Sage has seen the carnage in the lives of women who cling to the fantasy. Feels good to believe it, but that worm's gotta big ole hook in it!

10:00 AM  
Blogger K said...

Count me in Karrie's camp. Men and women can be friends. And I think men are capable of friendship with women as much as the other way around.

1:18 PM  
Blogger Maria P. said...

Karrie I have to ask, are your friendships with any man one of those deep meaningful friendships?

I have plenty of casual male friends through my husband and friends of my own. Every time it gets all deep though, it feels like we've crosed a line so I choose to end that dynamic of our friendship.

Maybe I am just too immature for that though...

Amanda you HAVE to watch that movie. It is good but not too deep. I won't give you a headache. It has some funny in it too. It is nice. You know, like a good light book. Its nice.

2:30 PM  
Blogger Maria P. said...

Oh and Karrie I don't mean my question to be critical. I am just really curious. Because if you have a real friendship with another man, maybe there is hope for the rest of us. :D

2:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness Amanda how can you have not seen 'When Harry met Sally'. I'm on the other side of the pond and consider it a classic.
On male friends tough one, I think it's really rare and probably only works if you've known each other a really long time or have met the guy as a couple with your husband or his wife.
Just my thoughts.

2:57 PM  
Blogger karrie said...

Hi Maria,

Yes, I would say at times both have been--especially when I was pregnant, and for whatever reason that scared the crap out of my girlfriends. Both of these guys made it a point to set up lunch dates, call or e-mail to see how I was doing a couple times a week, etc.

The first guy (the one I dated for a year back in 2000), and I were roommates for two years, took several vacations together and while we have not seen as much of one another this summer due to life craziness, I consider him to be like an older brother. I know that must sound really odd since we have a past,but he's a great guy and someone I could (and have) called up crying at 3am kind of friend.

The friendship with the second guy I mentioned is more casual,but we were closer the first couple of years we knew one another. Lots of afterwork dinners and long chats about relationships, religion, etc.

6:48 AM  
Blogger Abby said...

Ah, but you see what you may not know is that one of these males may have more feelings for you than they are letting on. That always seems to be the hang up. YOU view it as platonic, maybe they do not. And if you ask, they will not tell you the truth. They will laugh it off. My point is women seem to be able to see it that way, men do not. Men seem to be the ones who are not capable of this. The woman may be thinking it is all good fun and a great friendship. But my guess would be nine times out of ten, the man is not thinking the same.

2:03 PM  

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